I’ve been running in Super Crazy Cranky mode for the past several weeks due to a combination of houseguests and driving lessons; things that a normal person would handle with no significant stress, but that send me into full mental meltdown because I am inordinately fond of sleeping in my own bed and not killing people.
Which is the thing about driving. Part of the reason I’ve put it off for so long is because I’m perhaps understandably wary of participating in an activity wherein a tiny lapse in concentration could result in violent bloody death. My concentration lapses all the time! Those stakes are just a bit high for me! Also, what the fuck, England? Driving on the wrong side of the road is one thing, but ever hear of a little something called an automatic transmission? Because the rest of the world has, like twenty fucking years ago. Why this insistence on manual? I have enough to cope with trying not to, you know, run into things without having to worry about switching gears all the time and faffing about with the clutch. And those tiny little winding roads? And roundabouts? Jesus Christ, did I pick the wrong country to learn to drive in. If I ruled the world all the roads would be wide and straight and the speed limit would be 40. And I wouldn’t have to drive anyway because I’d be carried around on a litter by a team of Swedish footballers.
Ahem. On top of that, we also had most of SiC’s extended family come to stay with us over a period of three weeks. SiC’s family are much easier to deal with than my family, and it was really nice to see everyone, but I start to miss wandering around in my dressing gown pretty quickly, so for the sake of everyone’s sanity I opted out of last weekend’s family get-together in Wales and stayed here on my own for three days.
So for three whole days I got to wander around naked, go to the bathroom with the door open, eat whatever crap struck my fancy at any hour of the day, and watch truly, truly shit movies. Although unlike most people I don’t get messier when left on my own: with SiC not here I could unleash the full fury of my anal retentive housekeeping. The bathmat was immediately hung over the edge of the bath to dry when no longer needed! Crumbs were carefully and regularly wiped off the counter and out from under the toaster! Lights were turned off when I left a room! (Except at night, because I get scared!) The scrubbing sponge was rinsed and squeezed out after use and placed beside the sink! The garbage was taken out when it was full, and not three days later! Heaven!
Of course, after two hours I was bored to tears and wanted SiC back. I pretty much spent the weekend feeling sorry for myself, watching terrible romantic comedies and drinking cheap wine. But only after removing the cork from the corkscrew and then replacing said corkscrew in the cutlery drawer.