1. CAN IT STOP RAINING NOW PLEASE FOR FUCK’S SAKE. I mean, they warned me about this when I first came to England, but holy shit, a newt would find this weather a bit dreary. Though I suppose I should just be happy I haven’t had to be rescued from my submerged car like some people. (This is a great article. “The singer was given a cup of tea by a local resident.” God bless the BBC.)
2. We’ve now nearly finished furnishing our house. We’re nowhere near finished paying for furnishing our house, but that’s another story that I won’t get into right now because I don’t want to think about it. (Too late. ARGH.) We’ve got all the major items, things to sit on and eat at and put our clothes in and suchlike, and now we just need a few bits and pieces here and there; hooks for the bathroom door, that sort of thing.
And a toilet seat. The one that came with the downstairs toilet was missing a bolt, and thus tended to do a rather exciting sideways slide when you sat on it. SiC and I tend to see pretty much eye-to-eye on decorating matters, but for some reason he went ahead and bought one of these on eBay. He was well pleased with himself, and couldn’t understand why I didn’t share his enthusiasm. “Jesus Christ that’s fucking tacky,” I said.
“But the downstairs bathroom is a perfect place for a novelty item,” he countered.
“Bathrooms are no place for novelty items,” I said firmly, but I gave in; so there it stays, in all its YIKES! THERE IS BARBED WIRE ON THE TOILET SEAT – OH THANK GOODNESS, IT IS SAFELY ENCASED IN LUCITE! hilarity. If SiC wants to buy a wagon wheel coffee table or a singing trout I am drawing the line.
3. SiC and I have been engaged in a periodic ongoing debate for some months now, ever since he discovered that there is a breed of dog from Egypt that can climb trees. The debate usually goes along these lines:
“Ooh, this is nice. Can we get this?”
“Only if I can have an Egyptian tree-climbing dog.”
“You’re not getting an Egyptian tree-climbing dog, and that’s final.”
“BUT I WANT AN EGYPTIAN TREE-CLIMBING DOG!”
…And so on. The debate raged on furiously until one day last week, out of curiosity, I actually looked up ‘dog Egypt climbs trees’ on Google.
Holy fuck. I want an Egyptian tree-climbing dog.
The Basenji (to use its proper name) is not only distinguished by its ability to climb trees. Oh no. It is also odour-free, cleans itself like a cat, and doesn’t bark. Instead of barking, it – I am not making this up – yodels. It is a barkless, odourless, self-cleaning, tree-climbing, YODELING DOG. Fucking hell, why doesn’t everybody have one of these?
So I am now fully behind the obtention of an Egyptian tree-climbing dog, as long as it’s a rescue dog. If anyone out there has a Basenji they’re looking to get rid of, I’m in the market. Call me.