“Do you have village fêtes in Canada?”
“What’s a village fête?”
“It’s awesome. It’s like a fun fair, with all sorts of activities. Like there would be a stall where they’ve got a huge pile of old porcelain sinks and urinals, and it would be like 20p for ten balls and you’d just smash the shit out of it. It was dangerous too – there’d be bits flying everywhere.”
“That’s a bit primitive, isn’t it?”
“It was wicked! And then you’d have a Welly-throwing competition – you’d pay 10p and just lob the thing as far as you could.”
“You paid money to throw a boot? That is the most fucked-up, sad-ass hillbilly entertainment ever.”
“It was great! And then you could try and guess the weight of a pig…”
“Jesus Christ. Would the winner get to take the pig home as his bride?”
“No. The pig was already married. That would be pigamy!”