So it seems as though I have a proper job, which comes as some surprise. Do you know what a document controller does? Me neither. But apparently I am one.
I went to the interview last week, and the whole thing seemed like a bit of a cock-up. I’d been referred for the position by a friend of SiC’s, and as such I’d never been forwarded any job specification – the only information I had was as follows: “Document controller needed. No experience necessary. Will provide training.” Since the only positions I’ve ever seen advertised as requiring “no experience” were fast food and telemarketing jobs, I assumed this must be some pretty brainless data inputting. Still, I was desperate, so I sent along my CV.
Over a month later someone called and asked me to come in for an interview. I barely remembered applying for the job, but still, I was fucking desperate by this point, so I agreed to come in.
Lately I’ve been doing a job interview every other week, so I’m pretty blasé about them and don’t usually bother doing any prep, and this was no exception. I got to the office and was waiting in reception when I realised I didn’t actually have the first idea what the company actually did. Stealthy like a ninja, I grabbed an information pamphlet from a nearby display and casually perused it while waiting for the interview to begin, thereby determining that the company provided construction management services. Good to know!
I was interviewed by two people. One of them explained in great detail about the setup of the department, while I nodded a lot and tried to look as though I had even the remotest idea what he was talking about. That was a mistake, because then he started asking me questions as though I knew what he was talking about. After a while I started to wonder if they’d even read my CV.
“So how much project management experience do you have?”
“Uh…well, none as such…”
The questions got more detailed, and I panicked and started making up bullshit (the single marketable skill I learned in art college). It felt like one of those dreams where you’re about to perform a lifesaving heart transplant and suddenly realise, “Shit! I’m not a doctor!” From what I could gather, they wanted me to help create a unified database to ensure project consistency in different departments? Or something? How did they think I would be able to do this? Was their HR department playing a joke on them?
At the end of the interview I thanked them politely for inviting me in, and on the elevator down to the lobby I decided to think of the experience as an amusing anecdote rather than a humiliating display of my complete incompetence.
And then, this week, they…offered me the job. My first instinct was to laugh and say, “OK, cut it out now. You’ve had your fun.” But instead I accepted the job. I am completely baffled, not to mention terrified; but I’ve reached the end of my tether with PA work (I swear if I have to arrange one more meeting I will fall on my letter opener) and an opportunity to do something else, even if I don’t know what it is or how to do it, is not to be wasted.
As much as I’ve been hoping for a career change, I was hoping that the ‘change’ part would come in small increments, rather than a single huge stressful leap that will make me sweat blood and take five years off my life. I hate having to pretend that I know what I’m doing.
But I hate arranging meetings more. I think.