So it turns out that I have a split personality? And that my other personality is a porn star! Far out, right? Oh, and also, it turns out that taking half a gram of MDMA all by yourself is maybe sort of too much? And you might end up staying up all night doing TOTALLY FREAKY SHIT and yet remember none of it the next day. Despite photographic evidence. OK, now I’ve said too much.
And yet I keep typing! So the next day, the day of the not remembering, I was feeling pretty rough and was thereby compelled to drink all afternoon and well into the evening (because alcohol makes everything better!) and then do some more drugs (just a weensy bit!) and then go home to my sensibly-asleep husband and engage in yet more TOTALLY FREAKY SHIT and then AGAIN not remember one single detail the next day. I am a somnambulist porn star. There must be some sort of niche market for that (www.sleepwalkingslut.com?).
I do remember having the following conversation in bed the next morning:
“You think ‘vagina’ is a gross word? ‘Scrotum’ totally wins. Scrrrrroooootum! Ew. Although it is fun to call people a ‘scrote’.”
“But ‘scrote’ is an actual word.”
“No it isn’t. It’s short for scrotum.”
“No, I’m positive it’s a word.”
“What does it mean then? Is it some sort of old-timey job, like a scrivener? Or maybe a species of bird?”
“It sounds like it should be a bird. ‘The Common Long-Billed Scrote.’”
“What kind of bird would a scrote be? Definitely something with a wattle, I think.”
To sum up: my weekend was partly spent doing TOTALLY FREAKY SHIT (which I do not remember) and partly spent lounging around, feeling awful and doing NOTHING AT ALL (which I remember excruciatingly clearly). I feel a bit ripped off, to be honest.