Usually I’m pretty equanimous about football results: you win some, you lose some; sometimes life just isn’t fair; after all it’s just a game, etc. But this? was the single greatest injustice ever perpetrated in the history of mankind. Portugal can fuck right off, and they can take that Argy cunt bastard ref with them.
Perhaps I’m overreacting. But I’m sure you can understand my peevishness. Big fat NOTHING continues apace. I have no access to a library. I have no access to a video store. I have no access to a pub. (Do you hear me? No pub. NO FUCKING PUB!) There are no restaurants around here and no shops – not even a corner store. A bus home from anywhere takes an hour, and there’s no service to this area past ten on weeknights and six on weekends. A cab ride from downtown costs twenty bucks. YOU CALL THIS MOTHERFUCKING CIVILISATION? I might as well be living in a cave. A split-level cave, with indoor plumbing, but still. Every time I step outside the front door I worry I’ll be set upon by wolves. Or worse, soccer moms.
But action is not lacking in the cave, as my parents have houseguests all this week – a pair of relatives I’ve never met before and their five-year-old twin boys. Now, I have of late slightly softened my KILL ALL SMALL HUMANS stance (who am I and what have I done with Robin?), but even when I crank my Zen setting up to maximum, a screaming pair of preschoolers who still go to the bathroom with the door open does not a happy cave-dweller make.
Mostly I’ve been sulking in my room and reading Bronte novels. If it wasn’t for my worn-out liver I’d think I was seventeen again.