Wearing your iPod on the Tube is very handy because it means that you don’t have to listen to other people talk. If there’s one thing I hate, it’s listening to other people talk; 90% of the human race is almost as stupid as they are ugly and being forced to listen to their opinions is the mental equivalent of being stuck in a phone booth with a swarm of mosquitoes. Even when someone is speaking a foreign language (which the majority of people on the Tube generally are) I can tell that their conversation is stupid just by the tone of their voice and by the fact that they are ugly. Ugly people never say anything worth listening to, as everyone knows.
Been eating my Misanthropy Flakes this morning, huh.
Anyway. Listening to the Flaming Lips instead of some chav princess’s selection of ringtones is definitely a plus, but it means that I also miss the very occasional snippet of useful information that comes through the Tube intercom, about station closures for instance, and then look pretty stupid when I stand up to get off and instead wind up gaping blankly through the window as the train glides past the platform without stopping. And then I have to backtrack from zone three and end up late for work. So it’s not all bad.
This is the funniest, meanest thing I’ve ever read. Make sure you read all of page 2 (“this is me Chuck”).