Because you've all been (very quietly) clamouring for more, here is a short film featuring my breasts. In case you were wondering, no. I have no dignity.
I'm off to (better fucking be) sunny Montpellier tomorrow morning, which, hey! is great! except that it involves getting up at ass o'clock to catch the Tube and then the train and then the plane. It's amazing how a less-than-two-hour flight can turn into a day-long ordeal of scrambling for connections and smelling like unwashed upholstery. BUT, I count my blessings because for ONCE I'm flying British Airways, which is the Cadillac of air travel, at least compared to Ryan Air, which is more like the 1982 Volkswagen Rabbit With a Mouldy Ham Sandwich Jammed Down Behind the Passenger Seat of air travel. We're even checking in online, which I optimistically believe to be the first step towards performing the entire journey via the internet - peacefully being dismantled into my composite atoms and whisked through a labyrinthine network of sparkling fiberoptics without once banging my skull on an overhead compartment. God I hate planes.
Hey, what a week of football it's been! Am I right? I mean, OK, two nil-nil draws in a row in the Champions League semi-finals isn't exactly ass-clenching excitement, but Jens Lehmann became my personal hero when he saved the last-minute penalty kick awarded to that diving Villarreal cunt and THEN gave an entire interview after the match with his shirt off. He's ugly as a bucket of assholes, but the gesture is there, right?
And Middlesbrough last night were just lovely. Goals in the 89th minute are always good fun, especially coming back from a 3-0 deficit on aggregate to get through to the UEFA cup final. It was the football equivalent of James Bond escaping from that laser thingy pointed at his crotch and then using his miraculously-still-intact penis to fuck Pussy Galore twice. (I may be mixing up my films here, but my Googling finger is tired.) (Probably from typing so many hyphens in this entry.)
And now there are two English clubs in the European finals! That almost compensates for the fact that I'm going to be stuck in Canada for the World Cup! Except TOTALLY NOT AT ALL! Fuck.